My parents shipped a couple of boxes to me, one of which had some personal files, mostly photographs and letters from friends that I've lost touch with. I also found a tiny memo book in which I briefly kept a journal during the summer of 1996, when I was a few months shy of 20 and living with my boyfriend (Loren aka Chippin O'Flannagan) in Tempe, Arizona. Back then, they all used to call me the Swank Lady.
If I'd thought to put these entries on my then brand-new webpage, just think, I'd have archives that read like this:
5/15/96
Paul's friend led us to a friend's house... but he didn't know which house he lived in so Chuck, Paul, Chippin and the Swank Lady waited for this person they had never met before on the corner of 12th and Ash. We found out later that even if we'd known which house it was, they weren't home anyhow.
Chris _____ was also present. He may or may not have wanted quaaludes. He definitely wanted alcohol.
Paul told Chippin and the Swank Lady a story about the first time he met Chris _____. Chris _____ had speculated, "Wouldn't if be cool if we pulled up next to a fire truck and there were people having sex on the fire truck?"
...
5/17/96
Chuck forced Chippin and the Swank Lady to watch MTV Internationale... We had to swatch Headbanger's Ball, including such melodious bands as Dismember.
"This is flaccid!" Chuck commented on AC/DC. Chuck sang along with a Mercyful Fate video and sang the praises of King Diamond. We also had the privilege of seeing a solo King Diamond video, which Chuck explained to his guests. Apparently, King Diamond was eaten by his bed as a boy and then became King Diamond, who is much cooler than Gene Simmons because King Diamond wore black and white makeup before KISS did.
Theory: Mexican death metal band might be made of ex-Menudo members.
Fact: Mexican death metal videos look like Telemundo sitcoms.
We made fun of a Type-O Negative video.
Back at the O'Flannagan Estate, Chuck played computer games but kept walking in on Chippin and the Swank Lady precisely when they were in the middle of Swank Things.
...
5/28/96
Went to May West with Jon and his eldergoth friend, Stephanie, who was drunk. She fell out of the booth alot and told me a story about how she got her picture on the menu. Made fun of guy in personals magazine. Stephanie threatened to kill Loren for loosening the lid to the pepper shaker. Conversation led to Robert Smith solo career story.
...
6/03/96
Jon stopped by tonight. Loren wore one of my turtlenecks and wrote a song called "I Kill Shoes."
...
6/18/96
Visited Jon's place, saw his Cure bootlegs. Smoked cloves and realized we were better than everyone else. Went to Denny's, talked about birds eating breakfast and unexpected parades.
Horoscopes:
Jon predicts that I will leave Loren to be a groupie for Motley Crue. After a failed affair with a dog, Loren meets up with an alien woman who implants a baby in his head, which will then explode. Loren will wind up in a black box.
Jon burned us with his cigarettes until we blistered and our blackened skin bubbled, peeled and oozed.
We found a fly in my lemonade. Jon tried to pour salt on the fly to make it come back to life. Jon sang along with "La Isla Bonita."
I left my free glass inside, but Loren ran back to get it.
You are all spared from further commentary. Thank you and good night.
